Corporate Crap and Other Dubious Wisdom

have written a lot over the years about bullying in the workplace, primarily from an employees standpoint. There is, of course, another side of the issue. What if the bully is an employee who is bullying the company?

We have all seen the stories on TV and in the newspaper of some poor soul who has been sexually harassed by his or her boss. It may not be the most frequent form of bullying, but it does sell newspapers, and it does serve as a deterrent to other would-be bullies that our society has finally reached zero tolerance on this issue. The other side of the coin is that we have also empowered some employees to use this as a lever to get what they want. When a mere accusation can ruin careers and result in dragging an entire company through the mud, the tendency is for a company to handle things as quickly and quietly as possible. Promoting the accuser and firing the accused might be cheaper in the long run than the bad publicity, or an in-depth investigation by a government agency. There are other ways an employee can get what they want–other than simply doing a good job.

ne of the biggest boons to America's labor force has probably been the advent of the union. There is no question that a good union negotiates better benefits and treatment for their employee members. Once again, this can empower unscrupulous employees to take advantage of the power of the union by threatening to run to the union when they don't get their own way. What department head wants to go through intense scrutiny because of a disgruntled employees accusations of perceived unfair treatment?

The vast majority of our workers are honest, hardworking folks who want no more than an honest wage for an honest days work. It is not often the bully (or in this case blackmailer of sorts) who pays in the end, but those of us who simply go to work every day expecting to just be able to do our jobs without being manipulated. Two of the main goals of a bully are to avoid actually having to do any real work, and to make certain they control everyone around them. If you happen to be in the way your options may be pretty limited. Document everything-and keep your resume updated.

Have I mentioned lately that I hate looking for a job? Aside from the endless questions from HR departments who actually think their psycho-babble questions will weed out the bad employees, the total disregard for employees as human beings insults even my limited intelligence. It makes me wonder how we ever managed to climb up out of the muck to become the dominant species on Earth well, aside from cockroaches.

Why would anyone in their right mind actually post a job position without filling in the part that says compensation? Are employers so ashamed of themselves that they’re paying so little? How about asking for BA or BS degree minimum, Master’s degree preferred when they list the requirements for a position that pays $25k - $30k per year? Apparently I’ve been reading job listings from employers caught in a time-warp who still think education is free(?).

My wonderful partner reminds me that if I?m going to quote figures I should cite some authority, but since all dozen or so of the people who read my Blog can probably take my word for it, I’ll dispense with that formality this time. Check out your local newspaper or online job-search if you feel like doing your own research. You might also check the cost of college attendance at your local college or University. In both cases I think you’ll see that any figures I use are pretty conservative.

Minimally, the cost of a four year degree in the United States is about $50,000. This includes tuition, books, and anything else the school can add on along the way. Unless your daddy is Bill Gates, most of us will have to borrow the money and eat peanut butter for four years, or our parents and families will while they try to help. Do the math, thats about $12.5k per year that will have to be borrowed or paid out per year to get Johnny or Mary that college education you?ve been dreaming about for them. Ok, yes, I am getting to the point, wait for it.

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came across an article this morning that reminded me I hadn’t written anything about Corporate America recently.  As much as I love to rag on Corporations, I do have to admit that sometimes employees are just plain stupid.  On second thought, maybe some of them just have a career deathwish.   

In any case, as a past Manager type, here are some of my favorite reasons why employees get fired:

Claiming that you need to stay home because your kids are all home sick with the flu, when your kids live in another state… not within driving distance.

The death of the same family member… more than once.

Consistantly missing project deadlines because the computer in the bar doesn’t have an Internet connection.

When confronted with a video security tape (on equipment she herself had help set up) of one employee handing a $300 police scanner to her (drug dealer) boyfriend, her response was, “Oh, we just borrowed it for a couple of days to try it out.  We didn’t think you’d mind.”

Getting drunk at the office party and hitting on the boss’ husband/wife. While not technically a firing offense, this will NOT endere you to the boss, unless he/she has brought them to the party to get rid of them.

While gathering for a meeting several years ago, a group of us stood waiting outside the conference room until a security guard could unlock the door for us.  Finally, when the door was unlocked, we were greeted with an excellant view of another manager’s bare butt between a pair of nicely tanned legs.  Apparently their conference wasn’t completed yet.

One of my all-time favorites was the employee who called from the Bahamas because he’d had to take an emergency flight out the previous night.  It turned out this married employees “emergency” was his pregnant girfriend’s emergency divorce from her husband.

You see, although I actually do have some morals, I don’t really tend to push my own morals on other people… well, except maybe one of them.  I’m usually a pretty understanding boss, but I hate like hell when an employee blatantly lies to me.  I would certainly much rather somebody would just ask for a couple of days or hours off upfront than to make up some bullshit excuse, or see them get caught with their pants down.  That way, the employee can still get their groove on and I get to keep the illusion that I’m actually still in charge.

Oh, by the way, HR allowed the tanned legs to keep her job after she filed sexual harassment charges.  Her conferences are now enjoyed by a much larger group since her promotion.  There was talk of affixing a plaque to the conference table, but I don’t know if that ever came to anything, and we never got to review the actual security video tapes.  The last I heard, Mr. Barebutt was working in some Cafe in Alaska.

The rest of the story…

After Ben’s wife and son became seriously ill, Ben immediately became a detective.  He checked every poison in the garden, the lawn, any and everything he could think of to explain what was happening to his family.  They even suspected some type of hereditery desease, but were unable to determine just what it was.  He even hired a full time nurse to care for his wife and son whenever he was away from home.  Still, over a period of time there were repeat trips to the emergency room with various symptoms.

It wasn’t until Ben was frantically begging his doctor for a solution to the problem that between them they discovered the cause.

"Doctor, I’m at my wits end… about to lose my family, our dream house in the mountains, everything!"

Coincidentally, Ben’s doctor’s father was a retired miner and an amatuer historian.  The doctor had heard his father’s stories all his life.  It finally clicked in his head when Ben mentioned the house in the mountains and its location.  His father had actually worked at one of the mines in the area… processing the gold.

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