Note: Some Adult Language --  After many years in the corporate world, I've decided to return to collect my advanced degree and begin teaching some of what I've learned ...More

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Beer Stein

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    Thursday - July 28, 2005

    Part II of a Corporate Mystery

    Filed under: Crappola, Corporate, Mystery — DB @ 9:00 pm

    This is a true story, only the names have been changed to keep me from getting sued.

    On the way back to Denver from Central City, Elizabeth decided to take a slight detour to show me the original "Corporate Office" for her real estate company.  Like many companies back then hers had started out with a construction company owner and his wife just trying to make a little extra money by selling the land around Denver and the surrounding area.  Once they had  made a few good sales they decided to build a home in the mountains large enough for themselves, their 10 year old son, and an expanded area for a couple of agents.  They soon purchased a ten acre plot about half way up the side of a mountain a goat wouldn’t want to climb in the winter, with a beautiful view of the Eastern slope of the Rockies, and were suprised at how inexpensive the land was even at that time.

    Climbing the side of a mountain in a 4W drive with a wannabe womens racing driver was exciting enough… when we got to the home site the view was breathtaking.  Anyone who has never seen the view from about 10,000 ft. should do so at least once in their lifetime.  Denver was spread below us and the horizon went on forever, I later found out that I could actually see Kansas from there.

    The homesite itself was a little strange.  A large two story, high peaked house looked to be in pretty good repair, however what looked to be a rather aged "For Sale" sign duplicated several we had seen along the road leading there.  Elizabeth informed me that the house had been vacant for a little over ten years… after the owner and his family had moved out having lived in the house only a few months.

    Never one to let my curiosity go unsatisfied, of course I asked Elizabeth the details.

    As we walked around the property admiring the view, Elizabeth pointed out several landmarks, various abandoned mining operations surrounding the area, and began telling me the story.

    (more Crap…)

    Wednesday - July 27, 2005

    A Corporate Mystery — Part I

    Filed under: Crappola, Corporate, Mystery — DB @ 1:18 pm

    This is for all of you Forensic Files and mystery buffs out there.  The story itself is true and was relayed to me personally by one of the actual participants.  It’s up to you to solve the mystery.  All the clues are here for those of you who can find them.  In a few days I will give you the real solution.

    I’ll give everyone fair warning… this story may be a little long so I’m going to break it up into two separate posts.  The first may or may not actually be legend, but will give you a little background.

    Back in the mid 70’s when I first moved to Denver, Colorado, I stayed with a friend who sold real estate.  Over the course of a couple of months Elizabeth showed me the Denver sights and some really beautiful scenery in the mountains surrounding Denver.  This story is about one of those scenes.

    On one of our excursions into the mountains we climbed up into the clouds on a long and winding hiway towards what Elizabeth said was once one of the largest gold mines in the world.  Never having seen a gold mine before I was a little excited, however I was totally unprepared for the reality.  I was prepared to see huge endless tunnels winding into the mountain, with railcars full of ore to be processed.

    The name of the mine is the Glory Hole, near Central City, and it indeed was once one of the largest producing gold mines in the world—known as the "Richest Square Mile on Earth".  At one time it was speculated that the Glory Hole was an entire mountain of gold because there were veins of gold running throughout the mountain itself. 

    What you see now is all that remains of that mine… a huge crater several hundred feet across and several hundred feet deep.  Glory Hole.jpgTo say that I was puzzled would have been an understatement.

    Elizabeth explained that in their greed to get at the gold the corporation had decided to set explosive charges all around the mountain to break it up all at once, rather than waiting for crews to find and mine the individual veins of gold.  Of course, if a little is good… alot has to be better.  When the charges were set off and the dust cleared, the entire mountain had been turned to dust leaving the collapsed crater itself.  In their rush they hadn’t taken into account the many shafts honeycombing the mountain.  Since mining is much more efficient at refining large chunks of minerals… the Glory Hole was closed down.  It simply wasn’t worth the effort to sift through the dust to find whatever gold was left.  A grim reminder that a mountain that had stood for thousands of years was no more… because of a corporations greed for a shiny rock.

    Keep this information in mind for Part II of a Corporate Mystery which will follow in a few days.

    Friday - July 22, 2005

    Doyle’s World

    Filed under: Humor, Dubious Wisdom — DB @ 7:29 pm

    I’m enough of a realist to know that some of the things that would make my world better just ain’t gonna happen… but damn… wouldn’t it be nice if;

    Every crooked Politician, potentially shitty Employer, shaddy Used Car Salesman, bogus Insurance Salesman, and ambulance chasing Lawyer, would just tell you face to face "If you elect me, work for me, by anything from me, or hire me… I’m gonna ass-rape you at every possible opportunity, all the while trying to convince you how good it feels."

    Every person who has a driver’s license actually knew how to drive… or, cars would be made like bumper cars so you could just bump the morons out of your way.

    Hot dog buns and hot dogs came in the same quantity.

    All pets and kids would automatically know how to use a toilet… and flush it.

    Whatever you bought broke a week before the Warranty ran out instead of the week after.

    Life was fair… those who worked hard got ahead… and nice guys didn’t finish last.

    How about you? What would make your world better?

    Friday - July 15, 2005

    Answers to: Myth, Legend…. or Truth?

    Filed under: Humor — DB @ 11:27 am

    1. Casinos pump extra oxygen onto the gaming floors during the early-morning hours to keep tired patrons from heading off to bed.

    False: Pumping oxygen or anything else into a casino to make people gamble would be a felony

    2. Gamblers should avoid playing machines that have recently paid out a jackpot.

    False: The machines operate on a random basis. The chances of hitting a jackpot are the same on the play after the machine hits as they were before the machine hit.

    3. A policeman promised a waitress half the winnings from his lottery ticket. All the numbers came up, and he kept his word by sharing the jackpot with her.

    True: Not just the fanciful plot of the Nicolas Cage movie It Could Happen To You, this did happen to one lucky Yonkers plate-slinger back in 1984.

    Phyllis Penzo was a waitress at Sal’s Pizzeria in Yonkers, New York, for twenty-four years. During that long tenure, she saw nice customers, difficult customers, generous tippers, and skinflints. But Robert Cunningham, a police detective from nearby Dobbs Ferry, was in a class by himself. Cunningham gave Penzo a tip of $142,857.50 a year for twenty years.

    4. Tourists who have taken rocks from Hawaiian beaches have returned them in hopes of ending streaks of bad luck.

    True: Hawaiian legend - anyone that removes a piece of rock from the Hawaiian Volcanoes National Park will incur the wrath of the Godess Pele. Supposedly terrible curses follow those that do prompting them to soon abandon the rock(s) in interest of self-preservation. Legend has it that Pele, goddess of fire and volcanoes, is so angered when the rocks (which she sees as her children) are taken from her that she exacts a terrible revenge on the thief. She is especially protective of volcanic rock and sand, two items tourists almost unthinkingly pocket as mementos of their vacations. After all, who would miss a rock?

    Pele, apparently. Hawaii Volcanoes National Park and far too many hotels to name receive a never-ending stream of packages containing sand, shells, and rocks from guilty-minded vacationers who are intent upon reversing their sudden downpours of bad luck. Many of these returns are accompanied by notes begging forgiveness of the goddess or detailing litanies of calamities that have befallen these casual purloiners:

    "Please take this sand and put it back somewhere on your island. I have had very bad luck since it came into my life and I am very sorry I took it. Please forgive me and I pray that once I send it back where it comes from, my bad luck will go away. "

    5. Coca-Cola used to contain cocaine.

    True: Coca-Cola was named back in 1885 for its two "medicinal" ingredients: extract of coca leaves and kola nuts. Just how much cocaine was originally in the  formulation is hard to determine, but the drink undeniably contained some cocaine in its early days.  Coca-Cola didn’t become completely cocaine-free until 1929.

    6. Chewing gum takes seven years to pass through the human digestive system.

    False: This oft-repeated claim may stem from genuine confusion over a term commonly applied to chewing gum:  indigestible. Although gum resists the body’s efforts to break it down (hence the ‘indigestible’ designation), it does not linger in the stomach. Gum is eliminated as human waste in the same way and at the same rate as any other swallowed matter. Granted, it comes out the far end relatively unchanged by the trip, but it does come out on schedule.

    7. Saltpeter is secreted in the food or drink of enlisted men.

    False: There’s no proof potassium nitrate (also known as saltpeter) has any effect on libido, plus or minus, so there would be nothing to be gained from such a doctoring of edibles. Yes, saltpeter has long rumored to be an anaphrodisiac, a substance that reduces sexual drive. But it’s all rumor and no fact.

    8. On average, men think about sex every seven seconds.

    False: Depending on which version you’ve encountered, the amount of time between naughty male thoughts will be stated differently, with "every three minutes," "every eight seconds," and "every fifteen seconds" giving "every seven seconds" a run for its money as the top finisher in this category. The number itself doesn’t matter; it’s the aura of authority with which the claim is invariably stated, as if this were an undisputed fact backed by scientific research.

    Though steamy-minded men might be a nice concept to be enthralled by, the theory doesn’t hold up. According to the Kinsey Institute’s FAQ, "54% of men think about sex every day or several times a day, 43% a few times per month or a few times per week, and 4% less than once a month." Though no one can swear to how often a particular thought flashes through any one guy’s head, it’s pretty clear from the Kinsey statement that the majority of the gender is not being overcome with naughty imaginings every seven seconds, as slightly less than half of them don’t think about sex even as much as once a day.

    Why is this baseless belief as prevalent as it is? Its popularity stems in part from what is widely believed about men: that their behaviors are more sexually motivated than those of women, with this heightened impetus being attributable to how males of our species are physically wired rather than to matters of conscious choice or societal conditioning. A statistic of this nature works to confirm that assumption by overlaying a patina of faux science onto the "Men think of nothing but sex, sex, sex!" caricature we’ve become deeply enamored of.

    9. Graham crackers were named for a man who believed unhealthy diet led to sexual excess.

    True: The Reverend Sylvester Graham, a Presbyterian minister who became a social reformer and a ferocious advocate of healthful living, is the man who put the ‘graham’ into the treat we now know and love as graham crackers. Sylvester Graham (1794-1851) believed physical lust  was harmful to the body and caused such dire maladies in the sexually overheated as pulmonary consumption, spinal diseases, epilepsy, and insanity, as well as such lesser ailments as headaches and indigestion. He also thought too much lust could result in the early death of offspring, who would have been conceived from weakened stock.

    How did you do?

    By the Way… check out http://www.snopes.com for more trivia fun.

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