Corporate Crap and Other Dubious Wisdom

100 Things about B’Tude 

1. B’Tude hates assholes
2. I’m an asshole… well… sometimes she thinks so
3. B’Tude has two kids… both boys
4. Both of her kids also know I’m an asshole
5. She is a very talented photographer
6. She has also been paid for some of her photos
7. She doesn’t like SCI-FI much but will tolerate my watching it
8. B’Tude has no appreciations for the intricacies of SCI-FI
9. She often doesn’t understand the humor in horror movies
10. She makes me watch chick flicks but hates it when I laugh about them
11. She once owned a business where she made over $100k a year
12. She had to disolve her business because of a crook
13. B’Tude was born in Texas
14. She was born in Ranger, Tx.
15. She’s not a Ranger
16. She never really lived in Texas
17. She really did live in Calif… so she ain’t a real cowgirl
18. She doesn’t say "Dude" too often
19. One of her favorite movies is "Dude! Where’s My Car?"
20. She really did live in Wash. and Oregon, but she’s only partially affected.
21. On her worst day she is a better graphic designer than most people when they’re trying
22. After only a few bumps and bruises she got to be a pretty good Cold Fusion developer
23. My bruises healed pretty well, thank you
24. She can be a Bitch… but normally only when provoked
25. She doesn’t get provoked too much
26. She is an excellant writer and editor… after only a few bumps and bruises during the convincing part
27. Those bruises are healing nicely too, thank you very much
28. Together we helped put a crook in jail who ripped her off
29. She isn’t a good person to piss off
30. She is an excellant student at school
31. The teachers at school treat her like she’s a Princess
32. The teachers don’t have bruises
33. She loves the beach
34. She hates getting sand in her suit
35. She loves the ocean
36. Things that are in the ocean she’s not real fond of
37. B’Tude doesn’t eat seafood
38. She loves the sun
39. The sun loves her too… baked
40. She has a thing for Johnny Depp
41. I don’t look like Johnny Depp
42. She is a shoe horse
43. She once had at least a couple dozen pairs of shoes
44. She now has less than a dozen pairs of shoes
45. I keep her away from shoe stores
46. She hates math
47. She can’t add for shit in her head
48. B’Tude hates it when I’m right about anything
49. She will argue for hours to avoid admitting that I was right
50. (see #48)
51. B’Tude hates to shop… well… unless it’s shoes
52. B’Tude loves Pier One and will spend her paycheck there
53. We don’t visit Pier One
54. She is the world worst patient
55. She refuses to go to a Dr. when she’s sick
56. We don’t play Dr.
57. She swims like a fish
58. She used to be on a swim team
59. She is the oldest of four children, three girls and a boy
60. She loved to torment her siblings
61. She once threw a fork and pinned her sisters hand to a wall
62. See #29
63. Computers never work the way they’re supposed to
64. Her method of fixing computers that don’t work right is a good kick
65. She goes through a lot of computers
66. I don’t let her near my laptop
67. She’s the Editor of a college newspaper
68. (See #31)
69. She can talk like a Chicana, because of the Calif. thing
70. She’s still a SWBP… even if she can talk like a Chicana
71. She does a great pout when she isn’t getting her way
72. I let her have her way most of the time so I can accuse her of being Spoiled
73. She has absolutely no sense of time… “I just told you that five minutes ago”… Uh… sure babe… but that was yesterday
74. She doesn’t wear a watch most of the time… but owns a couple
75. I always have to add time to wherever we’re trying to get to because she always thinks it only takes fifteen minutes to get there… even if it’s on the other side of the island
76. She hates air conditioning
77. In Hawai`i it’s hot and humid
78. She insists on driving with the windows open and the air running full blast
79. I do most of the driving
80. She has no patience for stupid people
81. She has no patience for ignorant people
82. She has no patience for trashy people
83. She has no patience for manipulative people
84. She will go out of her way to help someone in need
85. She is terrible about taking a complement
86. She is very affectionate
87. Although she doesn’t think so, she is a good mom
88. She knows what she wants to be when she grows up
89. I’m not sure she should ever grow up
90. She’s studying to be a Forensic Psychologist
91. She hates cockroaches (go figure)
92. She hates spiders (duh)
93. There are cockroaches and spiders in Hawai`i
94. She loves flowers
95. She loves birds
96. She loves sunsets
97. There are birds, flowers, and sunsets in Hawai`
98. She loves me
99. She calls me her old bird
100. Go figure

P.S. B’Tude got the idea from me reading Chase’s Blog at My Father’s Son and twisted my arm.  Damn I hate these things Chase, you damned troublemaker, lol